Approval is everything. Affirmation is everything. Have you ever noticed when someone didn’t notice? I just feel like my whole life is being led by other people and their recognition of me or lack thereof. I know the Bible answer…my life needs to be submitted to God etc etc. It’s all so good. But do you have any practical day to day, moment to moment, compliment to compliment advice? Thanks.
People Pleaser Extraordinaire
Dear People Pleaser Extraordinaire,
Recently I’ve been getting way too into personality types. I’m an ENFJ–the Dumbledores of society (“Alas! Ear wax!”) and as an ENFJ, I am people-oriented and naturally need affirmation from people. So believe me, I get it. I even took a test when I was a freshman that said that one of my abilities was the ability to woo people. WOO people? Like, I’m over here just wooing the gentlemen with my hair flips and charm…YEAH RIGHT. But I did a little more research and realized that it wasn’t a great quality to have sometimes because I would seek the approval of other people and after I received it, would leave them. Relationships became very surface because I was only trying to win people over and then after I did, I would subconsciously push them aside. Approval is not everything. Affirmation is not everything. And just because your life is submitted to God, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t enjoy compliments or approval by other people. But just don’t let it be the only reason you communicate with people.
Tip: Make sure that when someone leaves a conversation with you, that they feel at ease and not weighed down by all of your problems that you wouldn’t stop telling them about for the whole conversation. Before the conversation ends say something like, “Thanks so much for asking about me, but what’s going on in YOUR life?”
[Hint: Don’t say those typical phrases that basically FORCE people to give you a compliment. We all know what you’re doing. Don’t be that guy. ]
When in doubt, look to the wise Albus Dumbledore, himself: “Ah, Harry, how often this happens, even between the best of friends! Each of us believes that what he has to say is much more important than anything the other might have to contribute!”
Giving you words of affirmation (You’re great. Wonderful question. Thanks for asking! Have a fantastic day!),
Long time reader, first time asker. Do you have a “one that got away”?
Dear Cuddler of the Cubicles,
Don’t we all? There’s always going to be that one person, that one guy (or girl) who you could have asked out, that you could have said yes to. And even though as I’m writing this I have that guy in mind, he got away because he is not the one that was worth holding onto in the long run. And let’s be honest, he was never really mine to begin with.
Reference: Katy Perry’s summer after high school.
Wishing you luck on those cubicles..they’re probably not great huggers,
When I was in high school there were absolutely no high school prospects as far as guys were concerned. Now that I’m here at a Christian university, there are so many cute, single, and CHRISTIAN guys walking around! How do I not fall in love with every guy I see? Or, at least, get emotionally attached?
Crazy in Love
Dear Crazy in Love,
First of all, “crazy” is probably an adequate term. But we’ve all been there. Come with me kids, into the memory of freshman Anna Marie. I think the first thing that I thought when I walked onto Southeastern’s campus was, “Dang, sweet architecture.” Then in a close second, “DANNGGG, all these guys are supah fineee.” I think I had 17 crushes in my first two weeks of school. In fact, I vividly remember going into Chartwell’s with the full intention of people watching (AKA checking guys out).
BUT–when you are in a place for long enough, you don’t see people in the “cheerleader effect” anymore.
Let me explain: In reference to a How I Met Your Mother episode, when there are large groups of guys (or girls) together, you immediately think they are all very attractive simply because they are a lot of them together. But if you look at each person individually, it’s likely that they aren’t all that attractive.
So my advice to you is: Stop seeing guys as something to get attached to. Rather, see a guy simply as someone to get to know. Remind yourself that just because a guy is hot, doesn’t mean that he’s your soulmate.
Partially regretting my 17 crush confession,
How would you describe your favorite dance move in Haiku form?
Stay straight as a board,
moving your hands and arms like
beep boop beep, robot.
Taken aback by my unparalleled ability to screw up the beautiful art form of the Haiku,